# Things That You Have Tried But Are Crap At....



## MarkF (Jul 5, 2003)

Just been invited on a skiing trip, I'll have to pass......... it brought back bad memories. 

I went on skiing holiday years ago with my then fiancee and was really looking forward to it, I have always been "sporty", can pick up things straight away, plus I was skating, good enough to play ice-hockey in my teens. Skiing would be easy and fun.

Went to Seefeld in Austria, a beautiful place. After a week I was still on the learner slope with the remaining few pensioners who hadn't already progressed. The harder I tried, the worse I got, plus the "snow" was hard, not soft and fluffy like I expected. I couldn't ski  I gave up and decided skiing was sh.i.t, I spent the second week either drinking, ice skating or in a rowing boat (drinking) by myself. I didn't have a fiancee by the time we got back.

Your turn


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## BondandBigM (Apr 4, 2007)

Before I even opened the thread I was thinking pretty much the same thing and I tried every weekend for two winters.

Strapped to two planks of wood and chucked down the side of a mountain was not my idea of fun at all, the ski lifts were death traps and even worse the place was full of Germans :lol: I was run over one day, after I came to, my initial thoughts were that I had been run over by a car or something, it felt like it.

Then there was snow boarding, even worse, no control over speed at all but at least when it went wrong both your legs went in the same direction. A poly bin bag was my limit but it didn't impress the locals.

That was the other thing that annoyed me there seemed to be a strange snobbery attached to sking, if you didn't have all the right gear and the proper bobbly hat, which I didn't bother with, I was getting some funny looks and a lot of tut tutting, might have been the bin bag that did it :lol: The BAR half way down was nice though which was usually where I ended up for most of the day.

And then there were the Germans :lol:


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## handlehall (Aug 7, 2009)

Things I know i'm crap at would be a very long list but the most recent was ballroom dancing. In a fit of enthusiasm and to please the missis we enrolled at a local dance school - it was a total fiasco, over a 2 hr period they attempted to teach us the waltz, cha-cha, jive and 4 or 5 others then expected us to remember it all for a 30 min. review at the end! Missis got bossy, I got grumpy and the bottom line is we never went back. The only entertainment on offer was the lady in charge who resembled a female version of Skeletor.

My only chance of learning anything would be one-to-one with Ola Jordan or the bird Joe Calzaghe was dancing with and it still wouldn't be ballroom :man_in_love:


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## Guest (Jan 19, 2010)

Anything involving using my hands ie DIY, mechanics etc etc...the Mrs is our handy man  But then she's crap at cooking, cleaning and managing money, so we're a good pair - in which I'm the woman! lol


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## BondandBigM (Apr 4, 2007)

Shooting is another thing that springs to mind, couldn't hit a barn door at ten paces, lost count of how many bullets were left, ended up with bit leftover when I put back together again. A shambles I was useless.


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## Guest (Jan 19, 2010)

BondandBigM said:


> Shooting is another thing that springs to mind, couldn't hit a barn door at ten paces, lost count of how many bullets were left, ended up with bit leftover when I put back together again. A shambles I was useless.


I'm not too bad at shooting...seemingly I have an eye - whatever that means! But isn't it all to do with natural hand/eye coordination?


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## Parabola (Aug 1, 2007)

Paint balling, went once, didn't shoot anyone, got covered in bruises, got shot in the mouth when I had it open and paint splatted to the back of my throat. It was ****! What's the point


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## Barreti (Apr 18, 2008)

Plastering.

I can do most other things DIY including rewiring, plumbing, etc, but I've resigned myself to not being able to plaster after 2 attempts and more time and effort sanding the results than was worth the effort.


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## Alas (Jun 18, 2006)

Have sailed all my life and used to do a lot of surfing when younger so when on hols a few years ago tried windsurfing - a combination of the two.

What a mistake that was - I was crappier than a crap thing at the crap market.

Gave up when I had drawn a gigantic crowd on the beach. :gossip: :gossip: :band: :gossip: :gossip: :blush2: :blush2:


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## sonyman (Feb 9, 2009)

I would hate to let my wife see this thread as she would give you a massive massive list including keeping my mouth shut, Keeping my temper, Keeping secrets, Putting the toilet seat down, flushing the chain,not farting, saving money etc etc etc,but thats her words and not mine so onto me.

I am really practical and can turn my hand to almost anything and be pretty good at it, anything broke I can usually fix but the one thing I am no good at is cooking, It may be because I don't want to be but I am really bad apart from the simple things that is and I'm great at microwaved meals.


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## jaslfc5 (Jan 2, 2007)

drawing and painting something i would love to be good at but i draw like a 2 year old.

saving money .

being nice to idiots.

everything else im pretty much awesome at really.

and keeping my ego in check.


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## mel (Dec 6, 2006)

handlehall said:


> Things I know i'm crap at would be a very long list but the most recent was ballroom dancing. In a fit of enthusiasm and to please the missis we enrolled at a local dance school - it was a total fiasco, over a 2 hr period they attempted to teach us the waltz, cha-cha, jive and 4 or 5 others then expected us to remember it all for a 30 min. review at the end! Missis got bossy, I got grumpy and the bottom line is we never went back. The only entertainment on offer was the lady in charge who resembled a female version of Skeletor.
> 
> My only chance of learning anything would be one-to-one with Ola Jordan or the bird Joe Calzaghe was dancing with and it still wouldn't be ballroom :man_in_love:


We could teach you! (says with confidence knowing you ain't gonna travel up from down there to up here for dance lessons) Biggest prob for guys is self conciousness - " Oooh, lookie, I *can't* do this and everyone else *can!* ". We can and do teach anyone to dance, after all, it's only walking in time to music :yes: A ratio of about 6 to 1 is right for teaching, but if someone is struggling, we freely ask them to come to class early for extra one to one tuition, works every time! :lol:



Alas said:


> Have sailed all my life and used to do a lot of surfing when younger so when on hols a few years ago tried windsurfing - a combination of the two.
> 
> What a mistake that was - I was crappier than a crap thing at the crap market.
> 
> Gave up when I had drawn a *gigantic crowd* on the beach. :gossip: :gossip: :band: :gossip: :gossip: :blush2: :blush2:


Was that at San Antonio, Ibiza by any chance? I well remember such an instance :lol: :rofl: :rofl2:

My nemesis is swimming with those flippers on, every time I've tried, it's a Lifeguard job - look that mannie is drowning - I go straight down no matter what direction I want to go in! :thumbsdown:


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## MarkF (Jul 5, 2003)

Alas said:


> Have sailed all my life and used to do a lot of surfing when younger so when on hols a few years ago tried windsurfing - a combination of the two.
> 
> What a mistake that was - I was crappier than a crap thing at the crap market.
> 
> Gave up when I had drawn a gigantic crowd on the beach. :gossip: :gossip: :band: :gossip: :gossip: :blush2: :blush2:


That's a good one, I'd like to have seen that.


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## grant1967 (Aug 30, 2008)

levon2807 said:


> Anything involving using my hands ie DIY, mechanics etc etc...the Mrs is our handy man


+1 never been good with my hands my 710 does all the D.I.Y.

Been thinking I'm pretty crap at everything feeling a bit depressed now.


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## Alas (Jun 18, 2006)

MarkF said:


> Alas said:
> 
> 
> > Have sailed all my life and used to do a lot of surfing when younger so when on hols a few years ago tried windsurfing - a combination of the two.
> ...


Surprised you didn't. I was sure I'd make the news. The wife was so embarrassed she left the beach and went back to the hotel before I'd finished. I actually got a cheer from some locals when I gave up. :grin: :grin:


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## MarkF (Jul 5, 2003)

Alas said:


> Surprised you didn't. I was sure I'd make the news. The wife was so embarrassed she left the beach and went back to the hotel before I'd finished. I actually got a cheer from some locals when I gave up. :grin: :grin:




Just to clarify, I meant things you'd try, y'know, things outdside normal daily life, riding a horse, hang gliding, abseiling, that sort of thing. This is headng to banalsville, I don't care if you once tried to replace a button, once upon a time, but found you were not too hot at sewing.............


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## grey (Apr 29, 2006)

A few years ago I tried Time Trialling (bicycle), just evening 10 milers. Stupidly I used to ask for a late start, so that nobody would notice how slow I was. h34r:

Big mistake, because:

1. Nobody gives a stuff about anything other than their own time.

2. If you start earlier, the young 'pros' give you an encouraging shout as they streak by, :thumbsup:

but worst of all:

3. Some poor sod has to wait behind to collect your racing number and they can get very worried thinking you've died on the course.

What really made me realise how crap I was was an evening 10 at Islip near Oxford. I got a late-ish start and was nearing the aptly named 'dead turn' at halfway (later banned as dangerous, as some poor sod - not the same poor sod as mentioned earlier - had to stand in the middle of a single carriageway road as you turned round them, and it used to get quite dark by the time I arrived.

It was summer and the low sun was behind me as I came to the turn. As I looked to my right rear a lengthening shadow was gaining on me. I couldn't remember who had been down to start later than me, and I gave it the lot to stop from being overtaken before the five mile turn.

All in vain. 'It' was two kids on Raleigh Choppers, who caught me up and began a conversation about what I was doing with a number on my back? It was a one-sided conversation as my lungs sounded like pigeon lofts and I couldn't reply.

After that I took up incest and folk dancing. Never looked back (except at the Gay Rights pantomime - thanks for that one Ssssamm )


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## Steve264 (May 29, 2006)

Alas said:


> Have sailed all my life and used to do a lot of surfing when younger so when on hols a few years ago tried windsurfing - a combination of the two.
> 
> What a mistake that was - I was crappier than a crap thing at the crap market.
> 
> Gave up when I had drawn a gigantic crowd on the beach. :gossip: :gossip: :band: :gossip: :gossip: :blush2: :blush2:


+1

I spent over an hour trying to stand up, then gave up absolutely knackered. Similar experience with water skiing - I'm a really good skier so thought no problemo - sadly, muchos problemo :dontgetit:

Cheers,

Steve


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## Barreti (Apr 18, 2008)

MarkF said:


> Just to clarify, I meant things you'd try, y'know, things outdside normal daily life, riding a horse, hang gliding, abseiling, that sort of thing. This is headng to banalsville, I don't care if you once tried to replace a button, once upon a time, but found you were not too hot at sewing.............


So let me get this right, because I can be a bit :duh: sometimes

You want us all to tell you we aren't James Bond and never will be ?

:dontgetit:


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## MarkF (Jul 5, 2003)

Barreti said:


> So let me get this right, because I can be a bit :duh: sometimes
> 
> You want us all to tell you we aren't James Bond and never will be ?
> 
> :dontgetit:


James Bond stuff, skiing, shooting, shooting whilst skiing, car ejection etc , all welcome.


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## jasonm (Nov 22, 2003)

Im crap at WWWF Smackdown wrestling on the PS2... My Mrs kicks my arse everytime....

I cant soft boil a egg properly either :thumbsdown:


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## frogspawn (Jun 20, 2008)

Life?


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## William_Wilson (May 21, 2007)

grant1967 said:


> Been thinking I'm pretty crap at everything feeling a bit depressed now.


Perhaps there is a future for you in the Civil Service.

Later,

William


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## lewjamben (Dec 4, 2007)

jaslfc5 said:


> being nice to idiots.


Oh, that's a good one! I'm sure non-stupid people see right through me when I attempt to be nice to a stupid person!

Pretty much anything and everything I put my hand to I'm rubbish at! I suppose that might qualify me to be the aforementioned stupid person! :lol:


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## pg tips (May 16, 2003)

Affairs h34r:


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## JoT (Aug 12, 2003)

Water skiing ..... only managed to get up once and promptly ended up being dragged under head first somehow .... tried once failed once ... know I am crap so didn't try again


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## Agent orange (Feb 11, 2006)

Waterskiing for me too.

Now I was a pretty good skateboarder in my teens - catching 5' of air, double axle grinds, rail grabs, vertical drop ins etc, etc - no problem. So waterskiing, how hard can it be? Well I got the opportunity to find out when I was still a pretty hot skater, don't think I got on my feet once in over an hour of trying. I was like a a new born foal on rollerskates and the more I tried and the more annoyed I got, the worse I became.

To make matters even worse my dad had a go (just out of curiosity son) and was on on his feet on the first attempt and he even did a jump on a ramp.

It was a long, long time ago but never again, the humiliation still lives with me.

Cheers,

Gary


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## mach 0.0013137 (Jan 10, 2005)

Skiing, I went on two School holidays to somewhere in Switzerland & somewhere else in France, I should have learnt from my mistake the first time. I remember one particularly hilarious incident where the instructors had me skiing without sticks; I lost control, arms waving around like semaphore & dropped into a sunken icy road straight into a monastery nearly knocking over a Nun*  I could have been a star in Carry On films me 

*I did wonder what a nun was doing in a Monastery? :blink:

:lol:


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## AlphaOmega (Jun 28, 2009)

Rowing.

A few months ago I was invited to take part in a Rowing Challenge for Children In Need.

When I turned up for the event, there were cameras and an audience. So when I fell off the rowing machine it went down quite well. :clapping:


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## funtimefrankie (Sep 8, 2009)

I'm another one that can't windsurf for toffee. I couldn't stay on the board for 10 seconds without faling off. And what makes it worse was I wasn't even in the water it was on one of those trainer ones that sits on a pivot and mimicks the water....

I'm pretty good at making paperplanes that either fly backwards or crash before I've even let them go though!

Frank


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## blackandgolduk (Apr 25, 2005)

I get bored too easily - if I don't pick something up in a reasonable time (whether that's an hour, a day a week or whatever...) then I have been known to s*d it off. Ten pin bowling, to my chagrin, is something that I'm utterly sh*te at. I can play darts well, snooker, I sail, I've rowed, I'm a strong swimmer, I surf, played hockey, I was OK at rugby, can fix almost anything, can cut accuratlely with a pound shop saw but I can't for the life of me bowl consistently. It's either a strike or a gutter, no inbetween. It frustrates me. I've got a mates birthday next week and he wants to go to the All Star Lanes on Brick Lane - I will go but I'll also end up stroppy and I might hit someone...


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