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Quote the worst watch blurb..


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I just read...

"Looking at the watch is a subconscious reminder to recite the mantras and affirmations so your body gets those positive stimulants to balance out the chakras. History and science has shown that saying mantras and affirmations help to slowly bring out the best in you. We all have experienced that even the smallest positive thought in the mornings has done wonders to make that day, or falling to sleep with an accomplished thought has given peaceful sleep. With that in mind, think about how many times we look at our watch and how many times we are subconsciously going to energize every cell in the body from within!"

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mystiquedesignstudio/7-chakras-worlds-first-visual-impact-designs-watch-line

:rofl: WTF?.. 

I'm now convinced that if I buy this watch.. every cell in my body will be revitalised with positive energy every time I look at it and this has been proven by "history and science".. wow!

So.. 

Post your crazy watch selling blurbs here.. tell us how the casing design has been built by elves out of moon rockets.. how the slight deliberate wearing pattern of the leather strap has been influenced by figher pilot boots during the second World War.. or the subtle tonal qualities of its ticking sound is designed to influence world peace...

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from the latest Rolex Statment:

"All Rolex watches are developed and produced in-house at our four sites in Switzerland. They are assembled by hand, with extreme care, to meet the brand’s unique and high-quality standards of quality, performance and aesthetics. Understandably, this naturally restricts our production capacities – which we continue to increase as much as possible and always according to our quality criteria.”

 

Not sure its a quality statment.....quality, quality, quality.....

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If you want real 18 carat BS, the absurdly arrogant (and up own butt) . .

YOU NEVER ACTUALLY OWN A PATEK PHILIPPE.
YOU MERELY LOOK AFTER IT FOR THE NEXT GENERATION.

. . . takes it for me :notworthy:

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23 minutes ago, yokel said:

If you want real 18 carat BS, the absurdly arrogant (and up own butt) . .

YOU NEVER ACTUALLY OWN A PATEK PHILIPPE.
YOU MERELY LOOK AFTER IT FOR THE NEXT GENERATION.

. . . takes it for me :notworthy:

I asked them to send me one to look after, I even offered to do it for free. Maybe they should start a "Sponsor a Patek Philippe" charity. £2 a month and you'll get pictures of someone wearing one in different locations.

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How about this...can you guess the brand?

"Because the choice of materials is an essential link in the long chain of processes in manufacturing an exceptional product, [our company] rigorously selects the materials for its watches. Each bridge of the movement, each wheel, each pinion, each element of the case, bracelet or dial is made of a material that has been meticulously selected and constantly re-evaluated to guarantee its performance and its impeccable aesthetics."

I wonder if I can get a job staring an a piece of stainless steel or brass rigorously and meticulously, look away and then look back again (perhaps prodding it with a stick from time to time to see how it performs) to re-evaluate it, and just keep doing that constantly? :hmmm9uh: Sounds like fun. :yes:

Only trouble is, the materials would never get past the meticulous selection and re-evaluation process to be made into an actual watch.  And then customers would go to the AD and find no stock because all the materials to make the watch were held up being selected and re-evaluated constantly.

Ah, of course, now I understand :mad0218:

:laugh::laugh:

 

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9 minutes ago, RTM Boy said:

How about this...can you guess the brand?

"Because the choice of materials is an essential link in the long chain of processes in manufacturing an exceptional product, [our company] rigorously selects the materials for its watches. Each bridge of the movement, each wheel, each pinion, each element of the case, bracelet or dial is made of a material that has been meticulously selected and constantly re-evaluated to guarantee its performance and its impeccable aesthetics."

I wonder if I can get a job staring an a piece of stainless steel or brass rigorously and meticulously, look away and then look back again (perhaps prodding it with a stick from time to time to see how it performs) to re-evaluate it, and just keep doing that constantly? :hmmm9uh: Sounds like fun. :yes:

Only trouble is, the materials would never get past the meticulous selection and re-evaluation process to be made into an actual watch.  And then customers would go to the AD and find no stock because all the materials to make the watch were held up being selected and re-evaluated constantly.

Ah, of course, now I understand :mad0218:

:laugh::laugh:

 

It's like R&D, but without the D.

R are D's.

 

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This is pretty fine…

Quote

 Cuervo y Sobrinos is the only genuine luxury watch brand with a true Latin legacy. Inspired and animated by Havana’s golden years, Cuervo y Sobrinos watches evoke a flamboyant and legendary way of life. Our watches are witnesses of a magical and luxurious world made up of outstanding quality, elegance, creativity, exoticism and joy of life. Swiss manufacture, Latin heritage: the exceptional combination of Swiss savoir-faire with a vibrant Latin heritage, conveys Cuervo y Sobrinos a unique and inimitable asset within the Swiss watch industry.

Nice watches, though.

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Why on earth would you associate your brand with a tacky night out in a scruffy North West seaside town I've no idea. 

"Black pool illuminations

When light is low at depth, you need an exceptional lume, which is why the C65 Super Compressor’s indexes and hands are coated with Super-LumiNova® Grade X1 GL C1." 

:laughing2dw: :laughing2dw:

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"Loved on Earth and beyond, the Speedmaster Moonwatch remains a true icon in the world of watchmaking. For its most recent update, the legendary chronograph has been inspired by its own historical design."

"Loved on Earth and beyond", "a true icon", "inspired by [itself]"

Sounds like it was written by Donald Trump :laugh:

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I have seen watches over the years advertised as being "powerful" . What exactly does this mean ? It either tells the time or it doesn't. This reference to power does not included any relationship to power reserve either, which makes it even more puzzling. 

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What a great thread and I hope it stays open permanently - perhaps it could be a sub-section of the Forum.:biggrin:

I have read many absolute "howlers" but cannot recall what brands or watches they were describing. It would be great to have a place to post such items on the Forum when one comes across them. 

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2 hours ago, Bricey said:

It's like R&D, but without the D.

R are D's.

 

It is indeed the R - as in Rolex, word for word as stated on their website :laugh::laugh:

1 hour ago, rhaythorne said:

"Loved on Earth and beyond, the Speedmaster Moonwatch remains a true icon in the world of watchmaking. For its most recent update, the legendary chronograph has been inspired by its own historical design."

"Loved on Earth and beyond", "a true icon", "inspired by [itself]"

Sounds like it was written by Donald Trump :laugh:

'...inspired by its own historical design...' :sign_wtf:

I suppose if Omega were to say "...compared to the previous version we just changed a few tiny, tiny things on the dial only a sad watch nerd would notice, and put a new movement in it that'll cost you ALOT more to get serviced, especially because we now refuse to supply parts to independent repairers, but otherwise it basically looks the same as it's always done..." it would be just too bigly honest? :hmmm9uh:

:laughing2dw:

17 minutes ago, WRENCH said:

I have seen watches over the years advertised as being "powerful" . What exactly does this mean ? It either tells the time of doesn't. This reference to power does not included any relationship to power reserve either, which makes it even more puzzling. 

No, indeed it's not referring to the watch's actual capabilities.  I think it's safe to say they want to appeal to purchasers who want to show off, perhaps even try to intimidate others with the flashiness of their timepiece, or simply feel better about themselves because they have a tiny...er...ego, wearing this "powerful" watch will help them achieve their goal.

:yes:

But as the poet Stuart Goddard once wrote;

I spend my cash
On looking flash
And grabbing your attention

Da diddly qua qua

:biggrin:

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I get quite irritated by some Ebay adverts - this one is especially bad, as it's attempting to equate a 1970s run of the mill Bucherer (a nice enough watch, probably with an ETA movement) with the much higher spec Carl F. Bucherer brand.

"High end world ranked Swiss Timepiece. very good condition! I use a magnifying lens so you can see it better than just with the eye. This Timepiece as all CF Bucherer are in the same ranking as Rolex, Omega, Panerai etc, see below., the quality is quite supreme.. I'm now putting up for sale my rare watches as I approach the halfway stage of selling my entire collection.. The case is excellent showing virtually no wear which is exceptional, 20 micron plating, same as Omega, highest plating in the watch world.This is a high end luxury watch. You can check yourself on watch rankings.com CF Bucherer is in the Ten to forty thousand dollar rangeprice for a new Watch today but it's the pedigree of watches like this and older ones that got them there. Boutique watch maker, making their own in house movements not buying in movements from other companies. Very high re sale values as they are so rare and precision made."

The "magnifying lens" just ensures most of the photos are out of focus. :laugh:

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8 hours ago, WRENCH said:

 

 

8 hours ago, WRENCH said:

Well I'm adamant my watch has this.

Whenever I hear the word "adamant" only one thing springs to mind. The "Adam Ant" video "Prince Charming" :yes:

Edited by chas g
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